Well-behaved Children Will Be Better Adults
We live in a world where war and peace coexist in equal measure, where there are people who do not hesitate to end the life of others for their own profit, considering their death a fair price for that benefit. A world made by adults, from which children learn.
What distinguishes children from adults is innocence: both can do harm, but the former do it without knowing the consequences and without accepting the price of their actions. Conversely, when an adult does harm, he is often aware of the pain his actions will generate, yet he does not stop.
Most children from birth have a certain predisposition to take care of others, especially their own family; it is a form of goodness, a continuous help mechanism and an altruism that no one has taught them. The task of those who raise them is to ensure that when the child loses part of his innocence, a logical and natural phenomenon, this predisposition remains.
Secrets for maintaining goodness in children
Tolerance and patience (teaching and having)
Patience is one of the tools that allow children to grow up free of frustration. To teach the child his duties and what is expected of him at all times, in fact, it is necessary to avoid any feeling of imposition, instead establishing an adult and mature conversation with patience. We must also learn to be tolerant with them, so that they come to have some control in certain situations, without letting them cross the line.
These two fixed points, patience and tolerance, must be internalized by the child in such a way as to become the cornerstone of any future relationship in his everyday life. A patient and tolerant society is an understanding and respectful society.
“Thank you”, “please”, “I’m sorry”
These three expressions will have to be instilled in the child until it becomes part of him, so that he becomes a kind and polite person: “thank you”, “please” and “I’m sorry”.
Parents must learn to say thank you, teaching them that everything they get is earned by merit, not by chance or luck. In this way, they will learn that practically anything can be achieved with effort and dedication, and that the ability to do so is inherent in them.
The way they ask for something will set them apart from the crowd of rude adults who tend to prioritize speed and who claim to get what they ask for. A simple “please” totally changes the sense of what you are asking.
Knowing how to make amends and recognize mistakes made, no matter what the reasons are, will make them learn constantly thanks to the simple process of assimilation. Apologizing will make them valuable and aware of the consequences of their actions.
Attachment as the main tool
What will make the difference between one child and another is the development of a healthy addiction. You have to make them grow in a warm environment, a source of consolation and with solid foundations: a safe place from which to explore the world and in which to play without fear of anything. The family must become a safe and reliable place to always rely on.
This addiction can be managed more easily by keeping calm and careful observation: if the child falls and peels a knee, the parent will not have to panic, but calm him down and minimize it, so as to reassure him and allow the next time it falls take it to laugh.
It is good to be aware of the fact that fear is not overcome by showering a child with gifts, but by giving him trust in others, in the world. By instilling to the little ones the idea that the world is a place full of dangers, we will not be surprised if after a few years we will face fearful and emotionally dependent adults, especially in the face of obstacles.
Confirmation of all this can be found in some experiments of the precursor of attachment theory: John Bowlby.
Goodness education
Many studies reveal that children naturally tend to help and share – in other words, they are socially healthy and benevolent. This tendency can be preserved over time by removing the possibility that they become intoxicated with the bad social habits that surround us.
In order for their natural inclination to goodness to remain intact, just treat them the way we would like them to be in the future. By doing so, we will plant the seeds to cultivate that sensitivity towards others that will make our children good adults.
