There Are People Who Motivate And Others Who Exhaust

There are people who are exhausting, who devour our time, our patience and our energy. They are cryptic presences, experts in making promises that they will not keep, they never have peace, indeed, they are always at war with the rest of the world. For this reason, we must be wise and selective in our relationships and we must surround ourselves only with people who motivate us.

In an interesting study on social interaction, carried out by the University of Rochester, New York, a curious fact was obtained: 1 in 10 people has a personality defined by experts as a “saboteur of happiness”. Exhausting people are the most common because they adopt, sometimes without realizing it, stressful behaviors that directly affect the people around them.

There are people who discredit their relationship with us without even realizing it. We move away from them because they exhaust us, because they drain our energy and because we must not allow anyone to sabotage our happiness. It is good to surround ourselves with people who motivate us.

Many of you will think that the profile just described corresponds to that of toxic people; well it is not an adequate definition. Do not make such frequent use of these labels which have very little scientific and are indeed very colloquial, because otherwise you will forget about some behaviors and attitudes in particular.

If a person exhausts you, it is because you are permeable. We invite you to reflect on it.

The psychological mechanisms of exhausting people

Exhausting people are present in our family, at work, among friends and even in our emotional relationships. They wear us out when we are prisoners of affection and when the loved one becomes a vulgar gambler, who stakes everything on our mistakes and then pockets the winnings. It is the selfish speeches that tire us, the prejudices, the minefields of victimhood and blackmail.

In the interesting book entitled “Emotional Intelligence 2.0” by Jean Greaves, it is explained that people are not fully aware of the impact of such bonds on their emotional balance and their health. We therefore propose that you discover some of these effects.

The emotional impact of people who sabotage our calm

Exhausting people tend to use us as emotional containers in which to cast their thoughts, fears and shadows, until they gradually consume that intimate and powerful architecture that forms our brain.

• Exhausting people cause us high levels of stress. When this negative emotion becomes chronic, the dendrites (the small “tentacles” our nerve cells join) break due to the damaging and stressful overexcitation. The area in which this alteration is greatest is the hippocampus, which is where memory and emotions are found.

• Our weariness and permeability to these attitudes, far from satisfying us and providing us with peace, always keeps us on alert. It is the clear and instinctive feeling of wanting to defend ourselves from something or someone, of always living on the defensive and in a state of captivity.

We are sure that, in such situations, you have already heard “you have to put a stop to this story now”. In reality, everything is much more complex.

You have to understand one essential thing: no one has the right to drain all your stores of happiness, no one has to drag you into the blizzard when you live in a calm ocean. No one should lead you adrift where your inner demons lurk. Look for people who motivate you, not people who ignite the spark that will cause inner fires in you that will eventually burn you.

I like people who motivate

It is said that when one is very young, friends or first loves are not chosen, one takes what comes with passion and without filters, letting oneself be carried away by a momentary blindness, which will surely be cured over the years. Over time we become more and more selective, more skilled and less permeable to what is useless, to what is exhausting, to what intends to take away the happiness we legitimately deserve.

Allowing us to meet people who motivate us is a vital necessity that we should invest in every day.  Those who motivate us open the windows of our soul and turn on the beacon of our mind, to allow us to emerge from our nights of apathy, fear and loneliness.

For example, having a mother, father or siblings to motivate us gives us exceptional strength to grow mature and free. Having friends who do not exhaust, but who rise as figures that push us to be better, is undoubtedly a privilege that we should never give up.

On the other hand, no love can be more full and authentic than that which is built with the roots of respect and with the shiny leaves of mutual admiration and inspiration. Because to inspire someone, it is not necessary to be perfect: in reality, it is enough for others to see the way you overcome your imperfections to give the best of you in every moment.

It’s worth a try.