Stop Blaming Others For Your Problems
Blaming others and circumstances is an easy way to avoid taking responsibility, a way of apologizing for what happens. Despite this, it is also the most effective way to lose control of one’s life.
Many people need to blame others and / or circumstances because, feeling victims, they are able to justify what happens. That way, they don’t need to do anything, just complain and wait.
We need to find a cause
Uncertainty is not an aspect that is easy to live with. We need to know where, what and why, to stay in control and to know that, one way or another, the problem will be solved. This means that, if someone else is to blame, so is the responsibility to find a solution.
When we have not fully understood the cause or effect of a problem, finding someone to blame can give us the feeling that it is now resolved. However, by blaming others, we are left out of the game, with no ability to manage ourselves.
Take control of your own life, blaming others less
Some people find emotional satisfaction in saying how bad others are. Despite this, research has shown that when you gossip about someone, the listener is more likely to associate that negativity with someone who speaks badly about someone else. Researchers refer to this process as spontaneous trait transfer.
You have to be exceptional people to be able to accept and internalize your responsibility for what happens. It is not about taking all the blame when there is a responsible person, but about being able to accept responsibility when it is appropriate.
If it’s all someone else’s fault, then what role can we play in our life? Does any of our actions have a consequence? Are we so helpless? Knowing that we can accept our responsibility when things go wrong also means that we can accept it when things go well.
We need to develop the ability to be objective about ourselves to such an extent that we can avoid assuming that we would never be able to cause us problems. We also need to distinguish between accepting responsibility and punishing ourselves unfairly.
Look for the cause, but not just any cause
If something doesn’t work out, it’s easy to get creative and find a reason to blame others. You have to learn to relax, to overcome that compelling need to find someone responsible and to tolerate the temporary uncertainty of not knowing, at least until you have a broader view of the matter. Take your time. Finding a culprit solves nothing.
We will only grow if we criticize ourselves objectively
Being objective when it comes to recognizing your mistakes is the only way to improve and grow. As human beings, we don’t just move forward to survive and fight the world. We must develop the ability to respond to life and to criticize ourselves, avoiding the effects of low self-esteem or vanity.
There is nothing to be ashamed of if you make a mistake or if you fail at something. Only an objective critique of the causes will help us to improve as people. We certainly do not grow by avoiding mistakes, but by analyzing their causes and recognizing our weaknesses and limitations, in order to find a solution and solve the problem.
Forget the blame and focus on making things better
For some people, guilt is everything. However, what is left after? Does guilt solve something? Forget about blame and focus on your goals, on solving what is possible and on changing what doesn’t work to improve and do things right.
