If You Don’t Love Each Other, You Don’t Know Each Other

Self-esteem is a word that is in fashion and that, at times, seems to be a magical device that helps us understand everything that happens to us. It is as if all problems could be explained with a cliché: lack of self-esteem. There is a kind of epidemic that we could summarize by saying that it is difficult for us to love ourselves. Perhaps this happens for a clear reason: if you don’t love each other, you don’t know each other.

The key lies in that inner voice that comments on all our actions, feelings and thoughts. That voice that evaluates and approves or contradicts us. Sometimes we forget that that voice was built by ourselves  and that, therefore, we can redirect it when it is not constructive.

The problem is that we forget something that goes beyond this voice: those who have evaluated us and continue to evaluate us do not possess the absolute truth.  What others have expressed and express about who we are probably has a lot more to do with them than it does with us. We all wear a particular type of glasses and everyone believes that what they see is what really happens.

If you don’t love yourself, acknowledge it

The lack of self-love is not expressed only with feelings of underestimation or incompetence  in different everyday situations. Sometimes it is thought that if someone imposes his presence forcefully, it means that he has a very high self-esteem. However, this is usually not the case.

Lack of self-esteem manifests itself as fear or fear of taking risks.  We keep ourselves within the limits of what we know, because we think we are not up to the demands of what is new. That fear extends to words and thoughts. You are not able to express what you really have inside, because you are afraid of the reaction of others. And, at the same time, the inner voice takes away the importance of these thoughts: “they are nonsense” he suggests. And you are silent.  

However, the lack of self-love also expresses itself in other ways. For example, when you become servile towards an authority figure or in a situation in which you want to get noticed. You particularly care what your boss, teacher, or expert says or thinks about you.

For this reason,  try to regulate what you say and do, to gratify that person or group. Sometimes you also need to be recognized by others. This is why people shout and rant, to get recognition.

We love each other only when we know each other

There is an obvious question, which not everyone asks: Do I really know myself?  Self-knowledge does not simply mean knowing what your favorite color is and what food you hate, whether you like it or get on your nerves. The theme goes far beyond tastes and preferences.

Of course it is very important to know what food you like, what you like to wear, etc. From here it all begins. It may sound over the top, but there are actually many people who don’t really know if they love what they eat. The same happens with those little everyday things like clothes, the means of transport you use, etc.

However, in addition to learning to recognize what we like and dislike about these aspects, we must investigate the perception we have of ourselves. How do you feel about your body and why? How do you take care of it? What do you think about the way you relate to others? Do you know what your reaction will be when you find yourself in certain situations and why?

Perhaps in the end you will discover a reality that you have wanted to ignore: you judge yourself according to the looks of others and not according to reasonable parameters. The gaze of others is perpetually present in that inner voice that makes you think of yourself always in a negative way. What is better, a hen or a duck?

The duck, the ducks would say. The hen, the hens would reply. This is precisely the point. The duck must learn to be a duck and to give the best of himself. The hen must do the same. And both must ignore the fox’s opinion, which considers them only a snack.