How To Make Real Friends

Good friendships help improve all aspects of life. On the one hand, they help to have a more cheerful and comfortable life. On the other hand, friendly relationships help strengthen health and prevent loneliness and isolation. As they get older, many try to make new friends or keep old ones. However, work, family, and other commitments can make it complicated. While making and maintaining friendships takes effort, it is  an investment that makes life richer and more enjoyable. At any age or under any circumstances, it is never too late to make new friends or meet old ones again.

But what is a friend?

What is a friend?

A friend is someone who cares about us and cares about us. Technology may have changed the definition of a friend in recent years, but having friends online isn’t the same as having friends to connect with to spend time in person. Technology can facilitate social opportunities by helping to reconnect with old friends and maintain relationships with friends who live far away. Despite this, friends who meet through social networks or other virtual means cannot be hugged when needed, nor can they be visited in case of illness, nor can an important event be celebrated together with them.

Differences between friends and acquaintances

Now, just thinking about people you can relate to in person, it can sometimes be difficult to distinguish between true friends and mere acquaintances.

You could say that an acquaintance is someone you know and talk to from time to time on everyday issues. These relationships in general never go beyond this point, just getting to know each other and knowing a little bit of the other, but without going deeper.

However, a friend is that person with whom you share a greater level of interaction and communication, with whom you share feelings openly. Friends listen to each other without judging each other, they support each other and accept each other, but above all they are united by a bond of trust and loyalty.

Why it is important to have friends

The need to have friends is adaptive. There was a time when survival depended on having friends to hunt and find food with, to build shelter with and to keep families safe, as well as to have company.

Good friends are equally important today. They give a special meaning to life. With them you appreciate the good times and overcome the difficult ones. Good friendships, in addition to being a great source of fun and pleasure, are also important for physical and emotional health.

Good friends can help improve mood, achieve personal and professional goals with their support and motivation, and reduce stress and depression with their companionship. Furthermore, good friends support each other in difficult moments, helping each other to overcome situations of illness, loss, breakup, etc. In addition, as you progress through the years, friends are a great support to overcome all that old age brings with it and help you live with greater fullness.

It is clear that friendship is a two-way journey : on the one hand, being a good friend of someone, in addition to having all these benefits, increases one’s happiness and self-esteem, also making the person feel needed and giving purpose. to his life.

Establishing and maintaining a friendship takes time and effort, but the many benefits of having a close friend make it a valuable investment and one that makes the game worth the candle.

Making friends in adulthood

During childhood and adolescence it is quite easy to make friends, but each person evolves differently over the years. As adults we tend to be more and more reserved and have less time to share with other people. Those who have not experienced an intense friendship in childhood have an even more difficult task in adulthood. However, regardless of this and age, all people need and want to have good friends.

Many adults need to make new friends as their work and family commitments have led to the loss of contact with former friends or simply because old friends have disappeared for various reasons.

Neither age nor situation matters to make friends, nor be a particularly outgoing person or life of the party. The important thing is to realize that there are many people who feel uncomfortable relating as many others do and that a friendship is not established during a night of partying or an occasional celebration that brings a lot of people together. Building a friendship takes a long time. Despite this, being willing to connect with new people in new environments is good for meeting new people and taking the first step in building a friendship.

Tips for meeting friends and making new friends

# 1 – Look for places and situations to meet new people

Friendships don’t start in a day, but there are some steps you can take to connect with others. To get started, it’s important to look for places to meet new people, be open to new ideas, and cultivate personal interests with other people. It won’t always be successful, but it will often be fun and you can learn from experience.

Some ideas for doing this could be participating in volunteer activities, joining an association or signing up for group courses, going out for a walk, inviting some acquaintance to drink or do something, sharing the journey to work, attending social gatherings such as openings of art galleries, book readings, lectures, musical recitals and the like.

# 2 – Join a conversation

Some people seem to instinctively know how to start a conversation with anyone, anywhere. Those without this talent can follow the following ideas :

– observe the environment and take advantage of any opportunity to comment on what is happening or what is in that place (for example, “what a fantastic view there is from up here”, “have you tried this dish?” Or “I love this song, brings back good memories to my mind “);

– ask open-ended questions that need a broader answer than yes and no (for example, “when did you arrive?”, “Why did you decide to dedicate yourself to this activity?” Or “how is that place?”);

– use compliments to ask a question (for example, “I really like your dress, where did you buy it?” Or “it seems you’ve done it before, can you tell me where to go?”);

– look for something in common and make us a comment (for example, “my children also attended that school and I was very satisfied” or “I read that book a while ago, it seemed very interesting”);

– listen actively and follow the conversation of the alum.

If things don’t go well and the conversation stops or ends sooner than hoped, nothing happens. Meeting new people implies knowing how to manage some rejection, but it must not be taken as a personal matter. You can always learn something positive from experience.

# 3 – Be a good friend

Creating friendships takes time. To do this, you need to nurture the relationship with the people you know by dedicating time, effort and interest to the other person.

For this you have to behave like the friend you would like, listen carefully to the other, dedicate time to others and be indulgent with the other. Furthermore, it is essential to give space, not to overdo the interest and not to have very high expectations regarding the other or towards the friendship relationship.

Friends develop our potential virtues in us. Each friend creates a contact zone in us, a field conducive to the development of a certain type of friendship. This is why we can have two close friends who will never be able to understand each other. Losing a friend many times means neutralizing a sector of our personality.

Julio Ramón Ribeyro