As Difficult As A Child Is, Always Use Kind Words
Sometimes we are very tired, full of information, problems and responsibilities. Our frustration turns into perplexed looks and bad words aimed at the people we love most. Often these people are children, our children, who do not understand the reason for our anger. Instead of using kind words, we give them harsh words, useless adjectives to cruelly emphasize “what they do” or “what they are”.
How many parents have you heard their children say “you are stupid”, “behave yourself”, “you are an idiot”? Those who hear these words are surprised by such an immature and cruel attitude. Those parents probably can’t handle a very high level of expectations. Maybe it happened to you too.
You always have to make an effort. Children are not to blame and we must not vent our frustration against them, they do not deserve it. It’s unfair. Especially because they are taking their first steps in the world and we are sending them positive or negative messages that they will always carry in their hearts.
Kind words are better than a slap
A slap, screams, punishment seem more effective solutions than the simple use of kind words. This is because they give an immediate result, but they have perverse side effects. Children will not know how to defend themselves, they will feel humiliated and for the first time they will savor what they will one day discover to be resentment.
Talking to children kindly at first may not work, we may think they don’t understand that it’s not okay to do a certain thing. In reality this is not the case. Communication is always the most important tool. Young children understand a lot more than we think.
If we explain to them what they have done wrong, how they should have behaved and then embrace them, they will understand that making mistakes is human and that the important thing is to learn from mistakes. We send a clear message: “next time you will do better, I have faith in you”.
The children we love so much will register the tenderness, love, compassion and comfort deep in their souls and still have so much to learn. That message we try to convey to them will mature over time. It is possible that we do not see it now, it is not so instantaneous. In the long run, however, we will see great results. Our children will educate their children the same way and we will be proud of it.
Do we want our children to be afraid of us? Do we want to teach respect with fear? This is not the right way to educate. A negative word or an insult can trigger insecurity, low self-esteem, unnecessary fears ... We are always very busy, but we have brought into the world people who need all our attention and our good deeds.
The power of love-based education
Aggression foments more aggression and other behaviors that we don’t want. For example, if our child does not understand our screams, he will learn not to listen to them. If we apply affective discipline, to attract the attention of the children in a subtle and delicate way, the results will be better. However, it is difficult to put this style of education into practice when our parents have acted in a completely different way. If we pay attention, we will realize that we are repeating the patterns of behavior we have become accustomed to.
We don’t always want to behave like our parents did. Maybe sometimes it happens because we don’t stop and think about the way we treat our children. It is important to reflect on this aspect. Maybe we feel homesick because we haven’t received all the love our parents could give us. Maybe they haven’t been able to prove it to us.
It’s normal. No parent has an instruction manual that indicates the best way to educate their children. However, despite everything, it is very important to pay attention to everything that our children experience in childhood. Talking to them kindly will affect them in a certain way, just as if we unload our frustrations on them.
Everything that happens in childhood irremediably marks us and influences the subsequent phases of our life. Let’s try to get to know our children, let’s make sure to attract their attention in order to be able to educate and guide them in the right way. But let’s do it with love, and not by instilling fear. Using kind words to children will be a big decision.
Images courtesy of Käthe Kollwitz, Claudia Tremblay and Soosh
