Since I Left, I Don’t Care If You Miss Me Anymore
Since I left, I no longer care if you are looking for me or if you miss me. Before closing that door, I left behind a story of unrequited dedication. A company never appreciated. A game of masks that stopped being fun when I had to look happy while collecting shards inside.
Pieces that freed themselves from the plaster of your mask, which I tried to eliminate without destroying, because I believed that something adhered to your ego. Every time I tried, I got more and more dirty. I was filled with chimeras generated by promises that were made regardless of the fact that they mattered to me.
I know you miss me, but I left because I was one too many. I was the co-star of a false story of free love that hid only comforts and needs from you. A game in which I always lost, because I never had the cards in my hand, even if I thought it was ours.
I closed the doors not to hurt you. I did it because sometimes you have to think and stop being the prop in a work whose plot is never understood. I closed the door to not be alone and now it doesn’t matter if you miss me.
False hopes and breakups
There are illusions and hidden hopes after each blow. There is an implicit desire that the other person open their eyes and one day miss us. Thus, we sabotage our self-esteem and our self-love. We give 100% and even so we are willing to pay the fixed cost interest of the doubts and indecisions of the partner.
We feel victorious when the ex recognizes that he needs us. We do not realize that personal victory is not based on recognition or repentance. The great victory consists in closing the doors forever when everything has been given and nothing has been received.
We entrust our emotional tranquility to the other, as if our personal criteria were not sufficient to realize that we are consumed inside, and a “I’m sorry” that comes late doesn’t change anything. A “miss you, come back” that doesn’t offer any kind of change exposes us again to the Russian roulette of a relationship full of gaps.
Loving never means losing your dignity
Love does not make us worthy, but it brings us serenity and passion to live with indescribable enthusiasm. A feather engine hidden in small gestures and habits that save us from the hectic pace of the days. A mattress on which we desire a unique intimacy, in contact with our skin, making our senses explode and awakening our connection with the world.
Love is not waiting for gaps of time to make up for anguish. Receive predetermined calls that make us understand that we continue to exist. Love is a relationship and a union of forces in which neither of us has to feel the spare tire, someone waiting for a certain answer that does not arrive before millions of ambiguous plans.
Free and longed-for love, one in which everyone preserves their independence, must not be confused with the exploitation or emotional isolation of one of the two members. That is not free love, but an explicit freedom to use the love that others offer us at convenience.
When you close a door, think about why you did it. Surely no past time has been better if it has brought you this far. Forget literary reconciliations to write one more short story that leads you nowhere. Someday you will no longer miss someone you once were too many for. If, on the other hand, he misses you, that’s his problem because he had already had time to resolve the situation. Now your time has come and you are the most important thing in your life.
