Don’t Prioritize Who Treats You As An Option

We should only value people who value us in turn and prioritize those who don’t treat us as an option. This is difficult to do, which is largely due to the fact that we  routinely nurture the hope that selfishness will turn into gratitude and interest. 

However, what we do in this way is to mortgage our well-being to the will of others, covering our eyes in the face of the evidence and not listening to our emotional needs, imprisoned by the selfishness of others.

In any case, in this sense and even if in a fleeting and intermittent way, we are able to realize that there is something wrong with our relationships as it should, that people change and that  over time we show a less kind and more interested.

What we learn over time

There is a text that is attributed to different authors (Borges or Shakespeare among others) that beautifully reflects what we learn along the course of our life. It is a great exercise to review it sentence by sentence and reflect on what it means and what we can understand and change to improve our relationships.

Over time I understood the subtle difference between  taking someone by the hand and chaining a soul.

Over time I realized that love does not mean leaning on someone and that  companionship is not synonymous with safety.

Over time I began to understand that  kisses are not contracts, just as gifts are not promises.

Over time I have learned that being  with someone because they offer you a good future means that, sooner or later, you will want to go back to your past.

Over time, you realize that getting married because “time passes”  is a clear warning of the sure failure of your marriage.

Over time I realized that only  those who are able to love you with your defects, without expecting to change, can offer you all the happiness you want.

Over time you realize that if you stand by someone’s side only  to accompany your loneliness, you will hopelessly end up wishing you would never see them again.

Over time you realize that true friends are worth a lot more than any amount of money.

Over time I realized that true friends can be counted at the tip of the fingers and that those who do not fight for them sooner or later will be surrounded only by false friendships.

Over time, I have learned that  words spoken in a moment of anger can continue to hurt throughout life.

Over time I have learned that apologizing is common to everyone, but forgiving is only for great souls.

Over time, I have learned that  if you have severely hurt a friend, the friendship will most likely never be the same again.

Over time you realize that even if you are happy with your friends, one day you will cry for  those you have let go.

Over time you realize that every experience  lived with each person  is unrepeatable.

Over time you realize that the one who humiliates or despises  a human being will sooner or later suffer the same humiliations or the same contempt multiplied to the square.

Over time I have learned to  build all the routes of today, because the terrain of Tomorrow is too uncertain to make plans.

Over time I have learned that rushing things or forcing them to happen will  ultimately not allow them to be as we intended.

Over time you realize that in reality the best thing was not the future, but the moment you were living right in that instant.

Over time you will see that,  even if you are happy with those around you, you will terribly miss those who were with you yesterday and are now gone.

Over time I have learned that trying to forgive or apologize, saying that you love, that you miss someone, that you need someone, that you want to be a friend…  in front of a grave … now it doesn’t make any sense.

However, unfortunately, we only understand this over time.

What is certain is that  for some things time is our great teacher, thanks to it we take on certain perspectives and value past mistakes, our experiences and our needs with respect to others and to ourselves.

This does not mean that time tells or heals everything, it is we who must negotiate the feelings of our inner dialogue, clearly alluding to our personal conflicts derived from the selfishness of others, without hiding our heads.

This means that we must take certain positions and affirm ourselves when it touches us, without letting others take advantage of us for fear of rejection or confrontation. This is called assertiveness and is one of the fundamental pillars of our self-esteem and personal identity.

Learn to give your absence to those who do not value your presence

You may be aware of it, but at the moment of truth, you cannot cope with social pressure. The most normal thing is that a situation in which they take advantage of us deprives us of our self-esteem and will.

Since it is impossible to recreate a life without such risks,

and how we could deal with them without being aggressive or passive with our behaviors, or training our imagination.

In this way, if a situation of inequality arises in which we notice that someone is trying to take advantage of us or to cancel our will out of pure selfishness, we will block less and we will be able to achieve what we have imagined.

It is important to learn to say NO, to assert our presence and to seek an ally within us to deal with relationships based on inequality and selfishness of people who think only of themselves.