Know Yourself And Others
When someone asks “Who are you?”, Most people answer like this: “I’m Laura, I’m 35, I’m married, I work in the administrative sector …”
But are we really all of this? Age, name, job, personal situation are nothing more than identification labels. What one truly is is found at the deepest point of one’s being. Whether you have a more or less important job, whether you are more or less rich, whether you are married, single or separated, it does not give relevant information to define what is really important.
To really know yourself, you have to put aside all that is surface and appearance and dig deeper, in the sensations, in the attitudes, …
Who we are? If one cannot identify with the workplace or with one’s possessions, then one tries to define oneself with attributes such as “responsible”, “human”, “whole”, “intelligent” … but not even these definitions that one implies they describe the truth, because what you believe about yourself may not be realistic. This is what you think you are, but it may be that you are distorting reality for various reasons. There are those who have a very strong ego and, whenever they have to define themselves, they exaggerate things by turning them in their favor or, in the opposite case, those who have low self-esteem tend to exaggerate by diminishing themselves.
How, then, can we know who we really are? Can we trust what we think we are? And what other people think of us?
I am what I do, not what I think
To get to know yourself, put aside labels and judgments. Think, for example, of deeper elements such as “what really interests me in life?”, “How would I like to live?”, “What are the values I share?”.
We are what we do, not what we say. Imagine, for example, a person who says that his priority in life is independence, that is what he wants most of all and that among his values this comes first, but then it turns out that this same person has 41 years old and still lives with his parents.
What does this situation make us understand? If someone truly desires something, they will go out of their way to get it. The person in question, on the other hand, is probably indolent, devoid of a sense of sacrifice and effort, and remains in his comfortable position without doing great things to change his state.
Many words can be said, but the information that really matters lies in the results we have achieved, in the place where we are and in the actions we have decided to take.
You can understand much more about yourself by observing your actions and reactions than your ideas and beliefs, especially those actions performed in adverse situations, during quarrels and confrontations.
What troubles you, stresses you and annoys you? What you believe to be someone else’s flaws is part of your identity. Tell me what bothers you and I’ll tell you who you are.
It is during adverse moments that the quality of a person can be seen. Imagine, for example, two friends who have always told each other everything, even the most intimate secrets. One day they fight and stop being friends: you will see their integrity from the way they react in the face of this adversity. If, despite their anger, they do not try to harm each other and do not take advantage of the secrets they know about, we are faced with people with integrity and values. If, on the other hand, during the anger one of the two attacks the other, tries to harm her, to put her in a bad light and enjoys her misfortunes, we are faced with a vindictive and not very integrated person.
We often fail to see this negative side of others until we go through moments of stress and conflict. Remember that in easy situations it is easy to be a good person, but it is in times of adversity that you will get to know someone truly in depth.
Image courtesy of José Manuel Ríos Valiente and Peter Smile
