Jealousy Does Not Arise From What We See, But From What We Imagine

Few people call themselves jealous, far fewer than those who are. The lack of this recognition stems from the fact that jealousy is perceived by society as part of our character. Thus, a very clear idea seems to gravitate in the collective unconscious: jealousy never brings anything good for anyone, neither for those who feel it nor for those who receive it.

Jealousy is automatically linked to the concept of ownership. It is no coincidence that the fear of losing something appears when there is a possession or the hope of possessing. However, if we stopped there, we would have a very reduced view of this feeling and the power that motivates it.

Jealous people

While jealousy is not just a feeling experienced by mediocre people, this is what most people who experience it think.  This perception prompts them to ask themselves questions with which to stab themselves repeatedly: “Why are you with me if I don’t deserve so much?”, “How long will this hallucination you call love last?”.

Questions that hide a very bitter feeling of insecurity for those who ask them, because in these there is a resistance to giving oneself to the other, to truly loving. This resistance leads to doubts such as “why throw myself into this relationship if one day it will end?”.

With this we do not want to justify jealous people, but to emphasize that it is not an isolated aspect of their character, but embedded in the puzzle that shapes their personality. Thus,  analyzing jealousy or a jealous person in isolation corresponds to analyzing a wound without thinking about what caused it or what keeps it open.

We also need to consider another factor if we are to help these people. A jealous person is really sick. He is afraid, he does not pretend to have it, even if others may think it is unfounded. A jealous person may have moments of lucidity and realize that their feelings and behaviors are absurd, but this will not make them feel better and will increase their feeling of insignificance.

Jealousy arises from what we imagine

Sometimes it might seem like we like being sick. We trust our partner, but if we see his phone left unattended at home, we may be tempted to look at his private information. These are not suspicions, but what happens to us when we go back to the room to turn off the light we had left on.

That’s when we see messages like “a hug”, or “have fun”. The words of someone we don’t know. A “kiss” (but .. a kiss, how? When? Where?). A compliment or an affectionate greeting and the questions and doubts begin. It puts you in a complicated situation. On the one hand, we know that we cannot confess what we have done.

“Honey, I looked at your phone to make sure I have no reason to be jealous.”  

Anyone say this?

Yes, people are convinced that they have the right to do so and that this right must be recognized by the other. It is very common, for example, that after a betrayal, the unfaithful person allows such behavior to his partner. He understands that this is a way to instill security in the other and allows spying in order not to break the relationship. That is to say that the two components of the couple put a bomb that will eventually explode.

Returning to our spy, he will begin to have many doubts. Doubts that have nothing to do with the kiss or the hug, with what he saw, but with what he imagines is behind it. From now on, he will not look for his partner’s phone out of curiosity, but to find confirmation of his worst fears. As we said, sometimes it seems that we like to suffer …

The reasons of a jealous person

By this we mean that a jealous person will always find a reason to be jealous, because we all have threads from which a clear mind can invent a story full of clandestine lovers. Stories that most of the time are not shared by the person who creates them, and which he will swallow like poison. In this tragic, and sometimes even theatrical way, it is easy to end up prisoners of one’s own suspicions.

On the other hand, the line between well-founded and unfounded jealousy is thin. Nobody wants to know that their partner has a lover, because there is a life project at stake. Furthermore, it is easy to say that if the relationship has to end it will end anyway. it is difficult to intellectualize such a complex and powerful feeling as jealousy.

So, if you were hoping this article had an easy conclusion, you will be disappointed. Jealousy and the resulting behaviors are a personal decision. However, it is good that each individual is aware of the thoughts and emotions he puts into play when he takes a certain course. Either way, you need to know that jealousy has more to do with what we imagine than with the information we actually possess.