When “don’t Be Angry” And “forgive Me” End Up Destroying Us

We spend our lives taking care of our words and each of our gestures so as not to annoy a particular person. However, when “forgive me” and “don’t get angry” become the daily notes in the scores of our lives, the only thing we get is slow self-destruction.

We are all tops spinning in a room full of people. Sometimes we touch each other, it’s normal. However, in this nervous dance of relationships, we often meet people with extremely thin skin. They are so sensitive and susceptible that, in their life, they do nothing but pile one offense after another.

We are obviously talking about hypersensitive people. They specialize in suffering and giving suffering. They tend to be personalities inhabited by delicate veils of lack of self-esteem, victimhood and insecurity. Susceptible characters, slaves to the opinions of others and eternal traffickers of guilt.

If you happen to establish emotional relationships with profiles of this kind, you must be careful, because you could spend your life taking care of every little detail. To choose the right word, the correct gesture, the best action so as not to raise offenses or concerns.

Until, little by little, you sabotage your self-esteem by saying “I’m sorry, it’s my fault”. It is not positive, it is good to avoid dynamics of this type. We propose that you reflect on it.

When “don’t get angry” degenerates into guilt

“Don’t get angry, I won’t do it again”. “Don’t worry, really, don’t get mad, it was my mistake”. Behind these phrases, lies a tortuous psychological labyrinth in which you could completely get lost. Use the “excuse” as a last resort to try to alleviate the offense, which is almost always unjustified. You even think that it is better to take the blame if, in this way, you manage to appease the anger of the hypersensitive subject.

Bearing weights of this caliber on your shoulders crumbles your emotional integrity day after day. Activate the so-called “defensive fault”. This is a mechanism used by many victims of emotional blackmail to protect themselves from helplessness.

It is undoubtedly a very complex issue. We must also consider that the hypersensitive subject is very vulnerable. Although his low self-esteem leads him to make interpretations based on his subjectivity and his victimhood, we cannot forget that, at times, these architects of unhappiness can become aggressive.

Eventually, the relationship with people of this type becomes a kind of ritual. Everything will be fine if we let ourselves be carried away by them, if we lower our heads and honor our loved one by means of words and gestures ; in this way, we will prevent the demon of his susceptibility from emerging.

If we remain immersed in this circle, without reacting, we will be like those fragile nocturnal butterflies that flutter around the sources of light. And we will continue like this until, little by little, our wings are burned.

Living with hypersensitive people

The right thing is not to run away and end the relationship without first struggling. Distance without at least one battle can lead to later repentance. Therefore, it is always best to do everything possible before making such a radical decision. If you love, you fight. If the struggle ultimately proves useless, then there is no alternative to distance to safeguard one’s personal and emotional integrity.

It is interesting to specify that, in the 1990s, several studies on hypersensitivity were carried out: it was established that it is not a disorder, but a personality characteristic. To better understand all this, it is necessary to make a distinction between the two types of susceptibility and sensitivity that exist.

The first is a sensitivity oriented towards the feelings of others: you connect with the emotions of others and feel empathy. The second type, the so-called “hypersensitivity,” focuses on one’s individuality in reaction to what others do. We always live in the same state: that of self-defense.

Strategies for dealing with hypersensitivity

There is one aspect you need to focus on. You will never be able to adapt like a glove to the manias, obsessions or anxieties of these people. If you become obsessed with “don’t get mad” to the point of checking every little detail so that person doesn’t pop, you will lose everything.

• You must make it clear to the subject in question that those who live perpetually offended only obtain the unhappiness and distance of their loved ones.

• Tell him that before giving a judgment or an opinion, he must meditate. You are tired of being their targets, of bearing all the blame, of being the scarecrow aimed at chasing black birds from its head to give it calm.

• You must be able to strengthen his / her self-esteem and, at the same time, make him / her value yours. The hypersensitive’s skin may be very thin, but yours has already been too damaged by the wounds.

First, ask for recognition and respect. Because you will get tired of walking through those minefields where even the smallest thing unleashes anger and reproaches. No one can spend every day of his life in a state of constant alertness, of endless stress.

Life is too short to be lived in fear.