I Want To Learn Not To Allow Abuse

Do they see me weak? Why me and not someone else? Abuse is selective, or so it seems to those who have been victims of some kind of bullying. The abuse can come from your partner, your friends or even your family. Abuse can surprise us at any moment and catch us completely unprepared. 

Abuse can be as physical as it is verbal. We must always remember this detail well, because verbal abuse is probably the most widespread, as it is the most difficult to identify. It is so veiled that, at times, we cannot understand who our attackers are, because their violence lies in their words.

Learn to be assertive

The first thing you need to understand if you don’t want to be mistreated is that you need to learn to be assertive. Assertion is a learned quality. Learn to assert your rights, learn to be respected, learn to express your feelings …

It is very easy to say, but harder to do, and the attacker knows this well. For this reason, always try to take advantage of situations that leave you completely speechless, it surprises you! That way, you won’t know how to react.

Until a similar situation occurs a second time, you won’t know what to fish for. You feel confused, sometimes even lost, and have been so surprised by the attacker’s actions that you are almost in a state of shock. This is completely normal. Sometimes the situation is bigger than you are. Different and varied situations that you never expected to happen, much less at the hands of that person!

At this point, it is necessary to reflect on the following question: will you respond or react in the face of mistreatment? They are two very different things. Remember that the important thing is not to get into the game of the aggressor, what you have to achieve is that he stop caring for you.

To stop being interesting to the attacker, you need to know how to counterattack in the face of everything he tells you. That’s what the assertion is for. The best thing you can do is don’t let someone use their power against you, don’t let them intimidate you.

Don’t play the aggressor’s game

As we have already said, the best thing to do is not to play his game. This is why your reaction is very important, because this is how the attacker will know whether to leave you alone or to continue. In this regard, here are some factors to take into account that will help you fight an attacker:

• The aggressor will cause fear to arise in you. Use it to think quickly, to stay alert and to know how to respond. Do not allow fear to paralyze you or to let you down.
• Be convinced and doubt all orders given by the aggressor. Don’t let him know he has power over you. Who is he to give you orders?
• Be sure of yourself. Self-confidence is palpable and drives away any attacker who is looking for a victim.
• Don’t be aggressive, because then you will enter his game. The important thing is to be neither too submissive nor too aggressive. A balance between the two is best.

• Non-verbal language betrays. Stay calm, look each other in the eye and keep your gaze fixed. It is very important that your voice does not tremble and that you are sure of yourself at all times.

It is true that there are people who are more exposed to abuse than others. For example, there are some people who oppose verbal abuse and because of this they become victims of physical aggression. It is something that is always talked about, but then, out of fear, few act. If you feel you are unable to prevent abuse, seek help! There are people who can help and support you. You are not alone.

Learn to say “no”, learn what you want, what you don’t want to allow, what you deserve … Self- confidence scares offenders. High self-esteem and unbreakable security will be your best weapons to scare off attackers and keep them from getting close to you.

Images courtesy of Zhongwen Yu